S 4 Ep. 2- Wedding Planning Burnout: Expert Advice on How to Avoid it and Enjoy your Engagement

kat: [00:00:00] Today's topic, wedding planning burnout. Doesn't sound super sexy, ladies and gentlemen, and all those in between, but I'm telling you, from what I've experienced, just bringing this conversation up, so many people out there have this, when I went to Reddit to look up stories, to, to talk to you about it was wedding planning, burnout. Wedding planning, fatigue, so many different posts, all about the same kind of feeling. And topics. So I knew it was like, okay, we have to record an episode about this with Priscilla just because it is such a, yeah. I'm finding how many people are experiencing this and.

I want people to have their joy back. Mm-hmm. . So let's, let's make that happen for people.

priscilla: Yeah. Yeah. Let's do it.[00:01:00]

kat: What's up, bridal babes? I hope you're ready to talk weddings with me on another episode of Bridal Buzz. I'm your host Kat, and before we get into today's episode, quick update. Happy 2023. Yay. And if you listened to our last episode, I just wanna say , we've already changed a couple things in the studio since then.

I know we like wanted to launch a the look, but it is what it is. And so welcome to the new new studio . Just a couple of changes and we decided we're gonna do a part two to that episode for the 2023 wedding trend predictions, just because we had so many things we did not get to cover in that episode. So stay tuned for more trend predictions coming up, but okay.

Today's episode, why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself.

priscilla: Yeah, so thanks for having me. My name is Priscilla Rodriguez. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist in state of Texas. I offer online courses for. Engage couples and [00:02:00] all couples who take these courses, learn all the different ways to develop a strong foundation in the relationship from communication, intimacy.

So pretty much talking about everything. Getting ready for your marriage.

kat: Yeah. Oh, um, so all the deep, intimate topics. Yeah. Yeah. Love it. .

priscilla: So being a relationship therapist and marriage counts. I see couples, of course, we've been married for years, but I saw a huge need for couples who are in the beginning stages of their relationship, especially getting ready to say I do's.

So that's a huge passion of mine. Just being able to share just some really like. Easy and like easy to do, like relationship tips that I feel like not many people talk about.

kat: So, right.

Like action points and things.

priscilla: Right. Yes.

kat: Love it. And if you guys have been listening, you've probably heard Priscilla's episodes here and there.

We call them the Couple's Corner episodes. So she will still be coming in the studio at least once a quarter to offer all of her rich goodness that she has just built from your years of experience and your expertise. So today's topic, wedding [00:03:00] planning, burnout. So many people out there have this.

priscilla: Yeah. It's such a Yeah. Big thing that people don't really mention

kat: Yeah. Or prepare you for. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. Um, so from my own experience, I guess I was like, um, like eight months into my wedding planning and I really started to feel it. And it came from not like the lack of enjoying the wedding planning itself, but just.

expectations that weren't being met with. Honestly, just like family dynamics. Um, there were certain people that I really wanted to be able to stay on site with us for the weekend wedding experience. They decided they're not gonna stay, and just little things like that. And so I've had to deal with the emotion behind that and removing that from my wedding planning experience, forming boundaries within myself and these relationships of like, how much am I giving these people that I need to reclaim for myself.

I had a bunch of, like from day one there's been drama in the wedding [00:04:00] planning, but it really hit me hard and I was like, cry for help , somebody help me, somebody tell me what's going on and how to get out of this funk.

priscilla: Yeah.

kat: Um, and it honestly came down to my parents being like, you need your joy back. like, whatever is stealing your joy from you right now, we are, we're not allowing that to be a part of your life anymore. And I was like, whoa. Okay. Like I, yeah, I need to reclaim my joy. Like I'm allowing these people and these moments to steal what should be not the best day of my life, but one of the biggest days of my life. And I'm done with that. So I really, really want to have you just help everyone else get to that point as well, to just reclaim their joy and have fun in their wedding planning. You wrote a blog about it. That's on, we can put the link on this episode for that. But why don't you just tell me a little bit about what you think wedding planning burnout is.

And where it's coming from.

priscilla: Yeah, yeah. So just like a way to identify if you [00:05:00] are experiencing wedding planning burnout. Cause I, I even heard you say that like, you were experiencing like all these different emotions and it was kinda like someone else outside being like, Hey, like, like kind of having to stop being your tracks.

kat: Yeah. They had to wake me up.

priscilla: Right? Yeah. Because I think it, it's, it can be anything from, you know, being very cynical about it, just kind of not caring, kind of now even taking it on like, personally of like, what's wrong with me or what's wrong? You know, what's going on? What's happened? So I think there's like so many questions cuz Yeah.

You go in really excited, right? You just said I do.

kat: And yeah, everybody's like, oh, lemme see the ring.

priscilla: Right? Every, there's like so much, um, attention and so much like excitement about like, the planning and Pinterest and Instagram and kind of just seeing all the ideas, right? Then all of a sudden you just hit this wall of, I don't like, here's another notification. I don't wanna stable with it, someone's texting me about this, I don't care. Yeah. Right. And all of a sudden you just feel like this, like dullness. Um, so it really is just having to identify and notice [00:06:00] like that shift and it can really just kinda like slowly creep in to the point that it's not like quick.

kat: Yeah.

priscilla: Right. So like it's, it's really important to just constantly be checking in with yourself of where am I at right now? Right? And even just in general, outside of wedding planning, like it's just the constant, like emotional check-in. But that's gonna be super helpful, especially when you have all these deadlines coming up, all these meetings, all these like - you know, everything's being scheduled, checking in with your vital party.

Right. There's a lot happening. Yeah. Um, and it's important just not to forget about you and how are you feeling? And I think sometimes there's that part of. Oh, wedding planning. It's stressful. Right? And it's just like accepted. Hmm. But it's like, well, like you can accept it to an extent, but not to the point where you're like hating everything.

Yeah. Right.

kat: So yeah, like just because it's widely understood that wedding planning is stressful. Mm-hmm. doesn't mean it has to be stressful.

priscilla: Right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's a difference between like, this event was stress, like [00:07:00] stress. Versus like my entire wedding planning, like these months and months and months I've been experiencing this like chronic stress.

Right?

kat: Yeah.

priscilla: So like, like there's a difference between

there.

kat: Yeah. Yeah. Do you think there are certain kinds of people who are more prone to this kind of wedding planning burnout?

priscilla: You know, I think it was like, maybe not necessarily like personality, but probably like if you are more, um, like a perfectionist or if you are more like

kat: -anxiety prone?

priscilla: Anxiety prone, or kind of just like worrying a lot. Yeah. Um, because this is important. Yeah. Right. Your wedding is important. You've been looking forward to it for a very long time, even before you got engaged, most likely. Um, and, and you want things to go well, right? Like you mentioned like it's a big day,

for just about anyone who's getting married or getting, you know, going to have a wedding. So there is that part of like, how much is it on your mind? That is going to just slowly kind of take over, especially if things aren't going according to plan.

kat: Yeah. I feel like it's, that's [00:08:00] all coming down to like your energy being spent on the wrong parts, and that just depletes you, right? Like, because yeah. You're not focused on the, the happy and like it's gonna be okay. Like they don't have the perfect shade of maroon, but you know, burgundy is just close enough. Like, but those little things can contribute to that burnout if we're not paying attention

to where our head's going in those moments.

priscilla: Yeah. Yeah.

kat: What do you think are some good ways to deal with burnout?

priscilla: Yeah. You mentioned a really good one that I wanna like highlight, which is boundaries.

kat: Hmm.

priscilla: Um, boundaries with yourself, boundaries with other people. And just noticing like, how much can I take on, um, you know, good one with yourself is kind of even putting like, Hey, I'm just gonna look at my Pinterest board two times a week.

And that's it. , right? Like putting a timer on something of how often you're thinking, you know, and, and talking about the wedding and wedding planning. [00:09:00] Cuz there's a part of just kind of somebody's pressing pause of, you know what, this weekend we're just going to relax, we're not gonna talk about anything

wedding. If I start thinking about the wedding, like, this is what I can do. Like, kinda have like a plan of action for yourself.

kat: Yeah. Um, this one's really hard for me. Yeah. Because I work nine to five in weddings. Yeah. And so when I get home, all of my feeds are like curated toward weddings. Right.

And I'm logged into all of these wedding accounts. The other day, Jackson was like looking over my shoulder at, at what I was scrolling at, and he was like. . "Oh, you must, you must never get a break from weddings". And I was like, oh my gosh, thank you for reminding me that I just got home from work and I'm still just in weddings all the time.

priscilla: Right.

kat: So I have had to like, have hours where I just leave my phone, like, I'll get home and I'm like, where's my phone? I don't care. I'm not touching it until I plug it in. Because I just have to allow myself to have that time . where I'm not even tempted. to scroll, to look to engage, because..

priscilla: right, [00:10:00] right. Yeah. Yeah.

kat: That one's a hard one.

priscilla: Yeah. And, and our, our phones. Yeah. Like once you search for something Right. It's all just like targeted. Right? Regardless of what you're looking at

kat: Yeah and the ads.

priscilla: Yeah. Yeah. So just being very aware of like, . Okay, can I go for a walk? Can I play with my dog? Can I watch a movie?

Can I cook? Right? Like, just doing something else that's for you that you enjoy. Um, versus it just kind of being this like mind numbing and before you even know, you're like, oh, I'm looking at wedding planning stuff and being influenced of, maybe I should add that to the list .

kat: Yeah. And like have all these negative emotions stirring up.

Yeah. And it's like, wait, what? Like, I, if this is what I'm feeling right now, I need to remove myself and give myself a little bit of some boundaries and break time.

priscilla: Yeah. Yeah.

kat: Yeah. So what else?

priscilla: Um, definitely leaning on your support system.

kat: Okay.

priscilla: So whether that, like I heard you say like your parents were someone who was like, Hey, like think about your, your joy, right?

Like, hey, this is kind of robbing you of- of what's, you know, important. . . So leaning on your support system. If, if you [00:11:00] can like delegate, just. Get it off your plate.

kat: Yeah.

priscilla: And when I say delegate, it's delegate, all of it. , not delegate, and then micromanage . Yeah, yeah. Right? Because then it's like you chose what, like you chose this font over this font and they look very, very similar.

kat: Right. It's like you told them to do it.

priscilla: Right.

kat: You have to let them do it.

priscilla: Yeah. Yeah. So there's that perfectionist part kind of taking over or like that anxiety piece. So just being very aware of what can I let go? Yeah. And know that these people that you're trusting, like are excited for you. Yeah.

Right. .

kat: So like they wanna help you.

priscilla: Yeah. Yeah. They wanna help. They're asking you let me know. Right. And just because, because if not, it's all falling on you. Hmm. And majority people who are planning a wedding too. You know, still need to maintain their home, are still, you know, taking care of themselves, are still working

kat: they have jobs.

priscilla: Yeah. You know, some people have families, so it's just like, there's so much, you [00:12:00] know, like there's a lot else going on. Yes. So it's a matter of just like knowing like, Hey, my support system is here, and how can I let them help?

kat: Yeah. I feel like it all comes down to energy management, right?

priscilla: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

kat: And just knowing also, I'm like, these are my strengths and these are my weaknesses. Recently, I like, I love the creative side of wedding planning, but when it comes down to making phone calls and sending emails and just like all of these other sides, I'm like, mom, can you please help me out?

Because I, like, I was taking on a lot for myself at, at the front end because I, I'm connected to a lot of wedding vendors, I didn't need my mom to be reaching out and forming these conversations, but now I'm like, , if I have to call, like, I love you guys, but if I have to call another wedding vendor or like send another email for a quote, like I'm, I'm gonna cry.

Because I just am at that point where I, I can't do it anymore. Right. And so I'm delegating that, but I'm still allowing myself to have like the fun moments. Sorry, mom . Where with like all the design and things like that, where like, that's [00:13:00] what gives me joy. Yeah. And so I'm reclaiming the moments in my wedding planning that I want to be invested in, and then allowing, again, my support system .

To fill in the gaps where I am. Just like, I, please don't make me do this. . Right. . So that has definitely been helpful for . for sure.

priscilla: Good, good.

kat: Yeah. And keep giving me some more good stuff on this. Yeah.

priscilla: Yeah. So another one too is like with family and friends, like, they're gonna naturally just ask you, how's the wedding planning going?

Or mm-hmm. like, what else are y'all doing? What else do you need? Right. And it's okay to. Let them know, you know, being honest of, it's actually really stressful, but right now I'd rather not talk about that. . Like how, like how are you doing?

kat: Yeah. Wanna talk about anything else right now? Yeah. ,right?

priscilla: Yeah. Right. Or if they're like continuing like to ask, right? Like, that's when you can also take maybe even like offer, like it is really stressful, but actually like, next week can we meet up and, you know, maybe you can help do X, y, Z. , right? Like, [00:14:00] cuz they're showing that interest. They're, especially if they're constantly asking and it's okay.

Right? They're they're probably going to do that.

kat: They're asking cuz they love you probably. Right? Or they're just nosy. .

priscilla: Yeah, yeah. . And it's like, here, take those . Yeah. Right.

kat: So nosy help me play this part. Thank you.

priscilla: Right. So like, I think it is, you know, definitely okay to let them know, I don't wanna talk about it right now.

You know, let's just enjoy our meal or let's just enjoy this show that we're, you know, concert, whatever it is that you're doing. Um, or just. Definitely asking for help from them.

kat: Yeah. I feel like I saw a lot of TikTok videos, um, around Thanksgiving that were like, uh, me on my way to Thanksgiving dinner, you know, about to tell them not to bring up my wedding planning or like reminding them that I'm not about to have a conversation about having kids like I just got married a month ago.

Like Right. There's just so many moments in life where we have to set those boundaries with family and just say, not today. And I like what you said, like, maybe next week, you know? Like, maybe I don't want [00:15:00] to talk about it right now, but I would actually love your help after I take this mental break that I'm giving myself.

So yeah, just knowing your own boundaries, what you're looking for, and allowing people to fill in those gaps. For sure. Yeah. is there anything else you would add to, before we get into reading those real stories? And getting your feedback on those Just to the general topic of how to.

Cope with burnout, how to move past that phase.

priscilla: Yeah. Yeah. A big one is just prioritizing your own health, physical, emotional, mental health. Yeah. Right. If you need to speak, you know, reach out to a mental health therapist, someone who can just help with just some coping strategies in general with burnout. Um, chances are if you're experiencing burnout with wedding planning, there's gonna be a lot of other big events in your life that burnout could also happen, whether it's with a new job, maybe a job that you've been wanting, and all of a sudden you're in and it's like, Ugh, I actually, I hate this, or, I'm so tired.

Right. Um, [00:16:00] whether it's starting a family, whether it's buying a new home, right. Like stressors. are part of life and it's just a matter of learning how to manage them and implementing healthy coping skills. So if needed, reaching out to a mental health therapist who can just help you learn these like very central .

Coping skills, um. Yeah. Yeah. No, and, and a lot of them are two are, you know, kind of side plug in those online courses. So if you don't wanna schedule a session, you can always still get those in, in the online courses.

kat: Yes. you have some that are, are paid packages, but you also have some free templates for people to work through as well, right?

priscilla: Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. .

kat: I love that.

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Okay, so let's get into some of these stories. And also just piggybacking 10 outta 10 would recommend therapy like. Yeah. We stand for that here. Yeah. Okay. So I wanna read you a couple of responses I got from Bridal Babes, uh, when I brought this topic up on our stories.

Yeah. Um, so one of them said "all of this, I really think a lot of girls can relate getting married next week, and I 1000% have felt all of these emotions and have dealt with these similar situations. You are not alone. I was once told that funerals and weddings always bring out the family dramas".

priscilla: So true.

kat: Yeah. Why do you think that is?

priscilla: It's just so many different emotions that pop up. Um, you know, all of a sudden you have a lot of people come together and a lot of people who want to share how to go through this. Yeah.

kat: They all have their strong opinions on.

priscilla: Right.

kat: Interesting.

priscilla: Yeah.

Yeah. So whether. About the actual event, about what to [00:19:00] do after the event, right?

How to like manage this like new relationship. Um, weddings, you're kind of, for the most part, gaining, right? Some people will see it as a loss, I guess at a funeral. There's also that part too, whereas's, like there's this grief and losing and then there's, for some people there's like this kind of gain, right?

But I think there's kind of that like attachment shift that happens

in both situations, having to change. perspective and , your, maybe you're a attempt on control over those situations too.

kat: Yeah. Yeah. Another bridal babe said, "I felt it so bad at about the year mark because I was constantly being asked if I was ready, did you do this or that?

Our planning was done early on because that's just how I am. So there wasn't any in new information to share. I know they came from a good place, but it was a little annoying and I felt almost ungrateful like that I should just be so excited and over the moon, even though we had already planned for a year and a half.

Lol. [00:20:00] The few brand deals I did in listening to wedding podcasts helped a lot with the burnout because it was someone else's problem to listen to, or funny story or whatever, and it wasn't mine. I also started to look up other random things that brought me joy on Instagram, TikTok, and Pinterest, so that my for you page shifted from constant unattainable wedding ideas or trends.

Also, starting to look at the little things. The closer it gets reminded me how important it was to stay focused, like the music, the color of the cutlery, et cetera. Looking at my vendors, Instagram's help too, because I saw what I could have in X amount of days or months. It was a good reminder, number one, to be thankful I can plan a wedding.

And number two, to be in love during those, this process instead of a constant planning mode. Number three, to visualize my day and remember what the planning is for." She hit the nail on the head with that one.

priscilla: Yeah. Yeah. Being very intentional as to why, why are you doing this ?

kat: Yeah. Right.

priscilla: Yeah. Yeah. I like her number two, like being in love during that, you know, instead of just like wedding planning mode.

kat: Yeah. That gave me chills. It's like, that is literally the [00:21:00] most important part about all of this, and I feel like a common thread I read in these wedding- wedding planning burnout situations is I wish I would've just gotten married at the courthouse with me and my parents and not made such a big deal out of it, right? And so I, I wonder if there is something too, like. the kind of person that experiences this too. Like they are okay with the simple things in life and weddings are just so complicated and they like don't care about the complications.

priscilla: Yeah.

kat: And like all of these complications are just not their right vibe. That like, I, I feel like that, I'm like, I like a good party, but I also, I'm like, I wish I would've just gone to the beach and eloped with my fiance and like, it has just became so complicated, and I'm glad I'm planning a wedding.

priscilla: Right.

kat: Like, yeah. She's said in here like, you know, not everybody has that opportunity.

priscilla: Right.

kat: To be able to plan an event of this caliber. Yeah. Some people, their only option is to go to the courthouse. And so I think the reminder to be grateful, but also not feel like she said, it's like you almost feel bad that you're [00:22:00] not feeling grateful in that moment.

Like, and yeah. I, I wonder if there's anything you can offer to that of like, this feeling of like, am I ungrateful for not celebrating while other people are celebrating? like why am I not as excited as them? Like Yeah. Where's that coming from and how do they get through that? Right.

Yeah.

priscilla: Yeah. And I think there's like this idea of like, what does excited mean?

kat: Hmm.

priscilla: Um, my husband and I were, we always joke cuz like, it takes a lot for us to be like

Yeah!

kat: Like over the moon?

priscilla: Yeah. Yeah. Like most of the times like, well I'm excited . Like, that's it. Um, and I think it's just like that part of like recognizing like, it's okay.

Like, you know, as long as you know that you're like happy you're content, you know, there's still some joy there, there you're not hating everything in everyone. Right. Like, like other people have different emotions and express it very differently. Um, and it doesn't mean that you're a bad person or there's something wrong with [00:23:00] you if you're not jumping up and down 24 7 leading up to your wedding.

Um, and there's gonna be fluctuations when you are ecstatic versus just like, happy. Yeah. Right. And

like,

kat: like feeling content is like totally cool.

priscilla: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, and just even like being calm and at ease, right. That I would even consider that like, you know, in the happy zone, right? That you're just like comfortable and kind of like patiently waiting. Yeah. Right. I mean, especially planning a year and a half in advance, like. You're kind of just like, you know, enjoying life at that point, like just kind of waiting kind of down the days. . Um, so I think there is that part of like, you know, you can still be grateful of just that idea of like, yeah, I can't wait.

kat: Yeah. and that's it.

priscilla: And that's okay. Yeah. That's okay. Like, yeah. So I think-

kat: and like I've already spent all of my over the top excited energy way long ago, like when the ring was put on my finger and just cuz I'm not feeling that right now, right. Doesn't mean anything's wrong.

priscilla: Mm-hmm. .

kat: And I feel like there's also [00:24:00] this common question of like, am I feeling this anxiety toward the wedding or am I feeling this anxiety toward the idea of marriage itself.

priscilla: Right.

kat: So how would you guide somebody through differentiating those emotions.

priscilla: Yeah. Thinking about when those emotions pop up, are you anxious when you think about , like the actual wedding planning, like if you were to take a break from wedding planning, how would you feel? Right.

If you were to take a break from like, Hey, this next month it's the holidays, let's just enjoy each other. .

kat: That sounds good.

priscilla: right? Like, yeah, the weddings maybe in six months, but hey, like it's still gonna be there, . Right. Like how do you feel in those moments? Like do you feel this sense of like, when it's just us hanging out, going to the movies, going to dinner, it feels easy and we're, it's calm then it's probably just about the, the wedding, wedding planning.

Yeah. And if it's, um, more so about like the wedding planning's actually [00:25:00] an escape from the stress within the relationship, then there's probably something happening within the relationship that should be addressed.

kat: Yeah. That sounds like the least ideal situation,

priscilla: right? Yeah. Yeah. If you're escaping something really hectic, Into something that is also hectic.

Yeah, yeah. .

kat: Yeah. And that other hectic thing is providing a union for this other hectic thing.

priscilla: Yeah.

kat: I just, yeah, lots of hectic energy. Yeah.

priscilla: See a marriage counselor, pre-marital counseling .

kat: Yeah. Modern wellness counseling is here to help. Okay, so last story from one of the bridal babes is, "this is so very important to note.

Like most of the things that go wrong have literally nothing to do with you. I had a huge dramatic event that occurred with a family member who wasn't invited due to a toxic relationship. And it is hurting other family members and I totally get it. But we have to remember a lot is out of our control.

And this is exactly right. It is about marrying the love of your life and truly nothing else I have. [00:26:00] I have had to let go of so many ideas of my day being perfect and get used to the idea that I'm marrying the man of my dreams. And that's what matters the most. I also lost my engagement ring, which is so embarrassing and upsetting because I won't have a ring for my wedding day.

It seems like it's one thing after another, but in the end it will all be okay." And I do wanna let you guys know bridal babes do not stress out. I did talk to this, this bridal babe, and they are getting like a temporary replacement ring.

priscilla: Oh yeah.

kat: The company is letting them wear it for the wedding. Yeah.

While they replace her actual ring. So, oh my gosh. I was literally like, what can I do where like, I'm gonna go get you an engagement ring right now. Like how could I help? But it, the family stuff again, this, that's been the most painful thing for me, because you want people to be able to put their own, you know, wishes, their own differences aside for an event like this. And unfortunately in some circumstances people just can't do that. Yeah. [00:27:00] I have a family member who, I don't know why they're in this state. I don't know, like, I don't , I don't wanna put it out there of like what they're dealing with, but I don't think it's coming from a healthy place. And they're projecting all of their opinions onto my relationship, not just my wedding, my relationship. And I've been with my partner for going on seven years. Yeah. And they waited until I was engaged to share all these opinions.

and I'm like, okay, you're like literally the only one saying like, if my, I had other family members saying what they were saying. You know, draw some concerns. but my other family members love Jackson. They've seen us go through so much together, and they know that we've grown, they've seen that growth and they, they, my dad gave Jackson his permission to propose.

priscilla: Yeah.

kat: And so I'm not worried about that and I just, it hurts me that I have a family member that is putting their own opinions of whatever they're thinking. Yeah. Before their love for me and their want to [00:28:00] support uh, just me. Yeah. In general. Yeah. So it has been very hard.

priscilla: Yeah. Um, that's so challenging, especially when it's like that part, like, you know, I hear you think on this, like you're able to differentiate. We're like, okay, they're projecting something like this is. , it's something that they're going through, but it still doesn't mean that it's not hurtful. Yeah, yeah.

kat: Exactly. And it, it puts me in a really uncomfortable position cuz now I feel like I have to explain myself and be like, well no, like this is what's actually going on in my relationship, but this person is out here saying all of these crazy, wild things, and I do, I do have a support system that is reminding me, like, I don't have to explain myself to anybody.

priscilla: Yeah.

kat: There's no need for me to prove my relationship . But it's still just like in this day and age, I feel like it's so easy for people to blow things outta proportion. And hear one thing and never look at someone the same. And it's like, I don't want that to happen.

priscilla: Right.

kat: So, anyway, off my own soapbox,

priscilla: Yeah, no, that's tough,

kat: it's been a lot to deal with. Yeah. Yeah. And it sounds like this person was going through a very similar thing, not being [00:29:00] able to invite a family member, and other family members are kind of upset about it. Yeah. And they, they are establishing that boundary saying, not my problem.

priscilla: Right.

kat: You know, I'm marrying my person. Mm-hmm. and whoever's gonna be there to support us is gonna be there.

priscilla: Right. Yeah. Yeah.

And at the end of the day, that has to be like the focus of, you know, you are the ones who are putting so much effort and energy and this is the, the whole purpose of the event to begin with.

Right. And if that's something that they're not supportive of, then don't go. Yeah. And that's why we like, took the initiative to not invite you Yeah, exactly. Because it's Yeah.

kat: So sorry.

priscilla: Yeah. Yeah. Like, uh, planning a wedding shouldn't also be like this. , you having to take initiative of like doing like family counseling for everyone, like it's not

kat: Right.

priscilla: That's not an invitation to like, mend, all those relationships.

kat: Yeah. Like that will come in time and that's what I've had to tell certain family members that are still dealing with what's happening with me and my other family member. I'm like, even if we were to get together and things were to be [00:30:00] solved, quote unquote, you know, I don't think we could, I could get to the place within four months to feel comfortable having that person at my wedding just because of the things that they've said about my partner. Yeah. And, uh, yeah, it's, it's hard for family to understand that, but I'm also like, yeah, this is not my job to now put not just this situation, but my whole life's worth of trauma with this person out in the forefront and like, yeah. This is my season of wedding planning, not my season of healing my, my past traumas with this person. Yeah. So like, that time will come, give me a couple months after the wedding and maybe we can get to it like , right? Yeah. But right now I have to focus on mm-hmm.

this is my priority.

Yeah. Yeah.

So, and I'm doing this (pointing toward the old studio) because Jackson's over there in my office right now .

priscilla: Yeah. And great job on saying that boundary, cuz it, it's not easy to do that, but you have to really be like, again, focusing in on like, this is like my health, like my mental, emotional health, physical health, like, and I'm choosing that.

kat: Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. [00:31:00]

Thanks. It's been hard .

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Okay, let's get to Reddit, A K a Weddit wedding, Reddit . Um, this first one. It is from the wedding subreddit and it's titled "Anyone Else Going Through Wedding Planning Fatigue?"

"I'm having trouble staying motivated to plan. I'm so excited to get married to my significant other and I can't wait for the day of, but I'm so fatigued with picking things, shopping around and reading contracts.

I save the florist decor rentals and Cake Baker for last thinking I would know what I want by now. I'm six months in"... and that's it.

priscilla: Mm-hmm. . Yeah. Wedding fatigue, decision fatigue. Yeah, that's a big one. As [00:33:00] far as like, just like knowing, okay, what do I choose? What like is this the right choice? Is this like, do I want to be doing this?

Do I care about the flowers? Yeah.

kat: Right. It sounds like this is coming from a lot of like information overload. Yeah. Yeah. Or analysis paralysis by analysis. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Like, and that is one of the hardest parts for me about working in weddings is seeing the thousands of possibilities.

priscilla: Yeah.

kat: All our different ideas and I've said this once, I'll say it again. We can plan a thousand weddings, but we just have to plan one. And like, you just gotta commit to one. Right. But sometimes it can be so hard. Mm-hmm. like, I'm designing my invitation suite right now. And you have all these images in your head of like what it could be.

Yeah. And then I'm really happy with the design I got from my stationer, but it's definitely different than what I anticipated. Mm-hmm. . And now I'm just going through all these, like, how much energy do I put toward wanting it to change? how much energy do I put toward trusting my stationer? [00:34:00] It's all about those boundaries.

priscilla: Yeah.

kat: And just like, The energy management. I don't know if that's an actual thing, but I am.

priscilla: It's going to be.

kat: It's okay. Yeah, it's gonna be a thing now and we're all gonna be experts at it. Yeah. By the end of this show. . . But yeah, I think, you know, it's in here. They said it. I'm excited to get married , but I'm fatigued of picking things.

Yeah. So you said decision fatigue. Is this a thing that happens no matter what, like?

priscilla: Yeah, it's definitely part of burnout. Um, just in general. Yeah. Um, and that part of just being like tired , I mean, it is fatigue. I mean, is that part of just being like overworked, overwhelmed, um, and sometimes finding it really hard to trust yourself?

Do you like, is this the right choice? Did I make the right choice? What about this other thing I just saw? Oh no, I'm scrolling. This other idea popped up. Oh shoot. What about that? Right. Didn't even think about that. So it's like at the end of the day, it's going to be okay at the end of the day, like, it's going to be beautiful.

Yeah. It's going to be your story. It's going to. be, you know, kind of [00:35:00] this part of like your relationship and, and it's okay.

kat: Yeah.

priscilla: Right. And, and I think there's something that part like, again, like with gratitude during that moment to just like feel that sense of ease of like, okay, like I have a wedding invitation.

Yeah. . Yes.

kat: It's like people will be invited to my wedding.

priscilla: It's still beautiful.

kat: That's the important part.

priscilla: Yeah. Like, yeah.

Does it have this ribbon over this ribbon? Like, right. Like something I had to remind myself too when I was planning my wedding, was thinking of my experience of attending other people's weddings.

And I just remember being like, Do I even remember what I ate on? Because I remember I was like, China? Plastic? Right. You know, like this, you know-

kat: charger, no charger-

priscilla: -right. There were so many ideas and I was like, I can't remember the last wedding I went to, what I ate on. Right.

kat: Yeah. I can't remember either.

I can remember the food, like what the meal was, but I don't know if there was a charger. What color the napkin was. What kind of plate they served on or or the cups or anything. Yeah.

Yeah. That's actually kind of crazy.

priscilla: So that helped me just like [00:36:00] focus in, okay, what is actually important for me?

What do I want people to remember and enjoy on my wedding day? Yeah. Yeah. Because I think it, you can get lost in all the little details

kat: For sure.

priscilla: The decision fatigue really. Yeah. Can wear you down.

kat: I hate the decision fatigue, and I think it, it does come down to like trusting yourself. Like that for me personally, I think would be the biggest game changer in that fatigue because you're not. Again, spending so much energy over analyzing your decisions. Yeah. You just move on , you mentally check that off the list. Yes. And go to the next problem. Mm-hmm. or party. Okay. So this one's gonna be a little bit longer, um, but it's also, uh, from the wedding subreddit and it's called "Vent: Wedding Fatigue."

"I'm just looking for a space to talk about what I've been experiencing. Not necessarily looking for advice, but I don't have another space to get this off my chest. 2022 Bride here planning a wedding for August, -so this was a little while back-. I've [00:37:00] been engaged almost two years, and we decided to push back the wedding until Covid restrictions were lifted.

It seems like things are just now getting busy, and I find that most of my free time outside of working full-time is spent talking about the wedding, planning for the wedding and thinking about the wedding. We're about three months out at this point, and I'm starting to feel done with the whole thing. Is anyone else experiencing some serious burnout with planning a wedding?

I find that everyone I talk to now asks me about the wedding. My upcoming months are filled with wedding related appointments or events almost every weekend, and my bank account is pretty much dedicated to supporting this wedding. I'd always imagined a small, intimate wedding, low key, and fairly casual.

However, both mine and my fiance's family with whom were very close, are large and wanted us to do more traditional things in quotes. So now we're having a shag party to raise money, two showers, a bachelorette, a bachelor party, rehearsal, dinner, wedding, and [00:38:00] day after gathering. -That's a lot. Mm-hmm. . -I'm so grateful my friends and family want to support us in getting married, but it's a lot in all caps of planning. I wanted to be hands off with some things like the shag, but somehow have gotten roped into taking on more of a planning role because no one is taking initiative and unfortunately, it's my name on the tickets.

So if things don't happen, people assume it's to do with me because it's quote my shag.- I'm, I don't know what a shag is. I don't, I'm assuming this is a UK story. I'm, and I say that a lot, but I'm like, I just, I'm assuming it's a UK thing,- and by my, I mean my future husband and myself. , and as much as people say, I'm here, if you need anything, they can't be because the bride is the go-to person for everyone.

Vendors, family, wedding party, everyone comes to me with questions. They're trying to be helpful, and I'm sure it's what I want, but a big part of me wants to just say, I don't give a rats ,- fill in the blank.- It would be more work to try and [00:39:00] delegate tasks, so it ends up on my mental workload, not to mention the staggering costs of putting on a wedding.

We live in a small town and have limited resources. Think two potential DJs in town, one flower shop, one rental business. So if we don't want to pay ridiculous amounts to obtain out-of-town services, who charge hundreds for travel on top of their fees, or stuck with local vendors who can charge pretty much anything they want.

I mean, where else will you go? I just spent $1,500 on rentals for the wedding. I literally rented table runners napkins, fairy lights, and votives. Candles not included. How the F is that $1,500 worth of rentals. -That's literally what they wrote-. I'm done. I'm so happy to be marrying an amazing person, but I'm done with this wedding.

If I were to do this over again, he and I would've said I do with only our parents and siblings. Thanks for listening to my rant." Yeah.

priscilla: Wow. That's tough.

kat: Yeah, [00:40:00] and I think it's especially hard when they had, it sounded like they probably had an original date, and then they had to push it back. Right.

And so they probably have gone through this phase multiple times already where it's like, oh, the wedding is in six months, oh, nevermind. It's in a year and a half. So I feel like that especially could be very, very difficult.

priscilla: Yeah. It's so draining. And then that part of like even having like a a certain like view of what they wanted. And then it being changed. And then it's just kind of like getting bigger and

bigger and bigger.

kat: I feel like that's the hardest part about this whole thing is from the beginning, this op, the original poster didn't really establish their priority for their wedding, and they allowed their family members priorities to be more important.

Hi Fritz . You wanna join us on the couch? Hi.

priscilla: I'm just gonna rest my head right here. .

kat: He's like, I could tell we needed some emotional [00:41:00] support in this studio . But yeah, I think that is one of the hardest parts for me is seeing that this is not what she wanted in the first place. And now she's having to deal with that on top of. The fact that she's like, oh, I'm just so over this. In the, you know, so it's, yeah. I feel for this person and I hope they had an amazing wedding. I hope you did, and I hope you, you know, that you got to a point where you put all of this aside and just allowed yourself to have fun on your day with your person, because that is the most important part for sure.

priscilla: Mm-hmm. .

Yeah. Yeah. Something that I often share with engaged couples is to just like, think of like, what are like two, three things that are important for you on your wedding day. If everything else were to just go, like, go off the rail, like what are these like two, three things that are like, yeah, so important and like let people know.

kat: I love that.

priscilla: [00:42:00] Um, because things, I mean having a wedding planner and is helpful, um, especially with the like go-to person and all that, but like, . But like even the day of, it's like something's gonna happen cuz it's life .

kat: Fritz is looking for Todd. Oh. He's like, where is he? You can smell, hear Fritzie

priscilla: go back there, say hi, you found you

kat: Anyway. Yeah. Yeah. So just something to, to keep in mind. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

Ugh. Okay. I really do hope her wedding was still a good time. Yeah. But I love that and I'm literally like gonna be writing down my three things. Mm-hmm. , but as long as these things go according to plan, we're good. Yeah. I'm like, we're wearing clothes.

We're good. Jackson's at the altar. I'm good. Like, yeah. Okay. We have two more stories that I found on a Reddit that I want your feedback on. So this one, these are, I [00:43:00] think, all gonna be from the wedding subreddit. This one is called "Less Than Two Days Left, and I'm over it". "I'm getting married on Sunday.

It's a small 50 person outside wedding. We've been working hard on it this past week to tie everything together. We are both dressed out, but today as our bachelor and Bachelorette, we were going to do a men versus women charter fishing offered by a good friend of ours. They owned two charter boats, so we were going to split up, have a blast, us girls were gonna go do a few hours of fishing, then hang out downtown and go to the beach.

I was so excited. . Guess who went and who didn't? My fiance has been gone since 3:00 AM out fishing with six of his buddies. Every single one of my friends backed out. My maid of honor had a huge fit about doing this and just refused. My four other friends all came up with excuses on Monday, every one of them.

So it's now 6:00 PM I'm at home depressed and trying not to have an anxiety attack while packing everything in [00:44:00] the trailer. Oh, and to top it off, my maid of honor is bailing on me to help set up on Sunday. Why? Because she will get sweaty and need four hours to drive home and shower and change.

Um, uh, we have a hotel room. Her response, I can't shower with you in the. Like what? So now it's just my stepdaughter and I, oh. And I started my period four days early because even mother Nature hates me. I'm just over it. I'm glad it's just one, a one time thing and now I know who I can really rely on.

Thanks for the venting place."

priscilla: Wow. Oh my gosh. How heartbreaking.

kat: I know

priscilla: That everyone just kind of backed out.

kat: What's up with that?

priscilla: Yeah.

kat: I've been hearing some like really tragic bridesmaid stories recently and it breaks my heart. I'm like, especially when you're an adult and you are like, I only have 10 people that are like really, really close friends in my life.

priscilla: Mm-hmm. [00:45:00] Mm-hmm.

kat: I only have six people in my bridal party. . . Yeah. Like I would be heartbroken. if any of the six people I chose to be in my bridal party did something like this to me. Yeah. Because those are the people who you think would be by your side no matter what, right? Like no matter if you're fishing or going bar hopping .

Like you, you want them to be there. Right. You know?

priscilla: Mm-hmm.

kat: and that's just so sad. And it sounds like that's mainly what's contributing right now to her. Yeah. Burnout and fatigue and like her hatred toward her wedding.

priscilla: Mm-hmm. .

Yeah. I mean, cuz I think that's, it's that part of like, in that moment, even just like having fun with your close friends would be like, okay, like, uh, de-stressor, right?

As a way to like, this is, this was part of all the planning, right? Like I get to at least like hang out with my close friends, like, and I'm wondering like if it would have been helpful for her to like reach out to her friend and be like, I really need you. Yeah. Like,

I really need you to be here.

kat: Yeah.

Like maybe, and I don't wanna put any blame on the op, but there is this. [00:46:00] sense of you need to advocate for what you need and want. And maybe like you could say, okay, well can you guys just come hang out with me at the beach house or wherever they were, so that you know, I'm not alone all day.

Yeah. Like, if you guys don't wanna go fishing, like, I need your, I just need you emotionally to be here for me right now. Right. Yeah. You know? Um, so I think that is definitely an important reminder for all of us is if you don't advocate for what you're needing and what you're looking for, nobody's a mind reader.

Right. As far as I'm concerned. Yeah. There might be some in the world, but I've never met one. Yeah. Yeah. And so you have to put it out into the world. You have to speak it into existence or else people just, just don't know. Yeah. And I'm one who doesn't like surprises, so I'm very good at advocating for what I'm looking for.

I'm like, this is the exact outfits I want you guys wearing.

priscilla: Right.

kat: These are the places we're going. Like, I definitely am like, this is what is needed, this is what we're doing, because of my own traumas from the past, I'm like, I have to put it out there. I've been through it. Um, [00:47:00] but yeah, it just breaks my heart and I hope that she isn't attaching this emotion to her wedding.

But it does sound like, you know, her maid of honor is not only backing out of her bachelorette party, but she's backing out of like being a maid of honor , essentially like, sounds like it's a DIY wedding.

priscilla: Yeah. Yeah.

kat: And she needs all the help she can get. And as a maid of honor, like if you have to be sweaty at the aisle because you didn't have time to shower that's your job. Right. Like, be sweaty. Yeah. You know? Yeah. It's gonna be okay. And you are not the priority on the wedding day. Um, and yeah, I'm not even gonna get into the whole. "She can't shower with her in the room." Cause that's a her thing. Yeah. Uh, that has nothing to do with burnout. So, um, but yeah, it's just, you know, and then for there to be two days before the wedding and for her to be like, I'm about to have an anxiety attack.

priscilla: Yeah, it's tough..

kat: And the only place I know to go is Reddit because. . I mean, I, I don't know where she's at in her life. Sounds like she [00:48:00] already has a daughter. Maybe her parents aren't as involved. Like she doesn't have the same kind of support system. That is so hard too. That alone that she's having to go to Reddit to find support and doesn't have that real in person. Like from her bridal party here. From her family. Yeah. Ah, that's so painful. And the period thing, I'm like, that's the, that's the bright red cherry on top. .

priscilla: Right. .

kat: I would literally be so stressed if that happened to me, but that's outta my control.

You know, it's just one of those things where it's like, , that's not on my top three. You know, it's okay if it happens. It happens, so whatever.

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Okay, last story and then we'll have to wrap up this episode. Um, okay. Title, "how to Remain Excited but Present during a long Engagement"

priscilla: mm-hmm.

kat: "me and my fiance are getting married in late 2024, and so are many other people I saw. Congrats. If you are.

However, I wanted to ask for some advice on how to remain [00:50:00] excited for the wedding, but also present during the waiting period. If I mention anything wedding related to anyone besides my fiance, I'm always told, calm down your excitement. You have two and a half years left to think about all that. Or we can talk more about that closer to the date.

And hearing that can sometimes be hurtful considering I see so many other brides have good conversations with their families during their engagements, whether they're long or short. And please know that I completely understand that talking about a wedding this early on can sometimes annoy or stress people out.

I just will accidentally mention something about being excited for that year or being excited to choose my dress later next year or doing our engagement photos next year, and it just makes them think I'm being too excited and need to chill and then won't want me to mention it again. Even if I'm not talking with others, which isn't that often I'll accidentally find myself looking at Pinterest ideas for my wedding or maybe fun wedding videos that make me happy and excited.

Also, to quickly [00:51:00] clarify, I haven't booked. anything yet and don't plan to for a good bit. I have a venue in mind, but we're not booking anything until late 2022, early 2023 due to venues booking quickly. But I'm worried of possibly causing wedding fatigue or losing my excitement closer to the date because I looked so much into it too early.

I also just really don't want to annoy anyone anymore by expressing my excitement too much by accident. And I heard a bride once say, "you can be excited and present while waiting for your wedding". And that really stuck with me and I really want to know how to do just that. So if anyone out there, regardless of how long you are or have been engaged, has any advice to help me or anyone who struggles with wedding patience, stay present between now and the wedding day, I would appreciate it so very much.

And thank you in advance."

priscilla: Wedding patience. Yeah, that's a good way to put it. I, I also feel like kind of really, really bad for her, that like, people are like-

kat: I know!

priscilla: -Calm down. I'm like, hold, hold your-

kat: who [00:52:00] are these people? I feel like this is the opposite of what the other stories were, where it's like everybody's been just so excited, so excited, so excited, and they get burnt out because of it.

But here it's like she's the excited one and no one else is ready to be excited with her, which is so heartbreaking. Yeah. Like, yeah. I, if my family told me to calm down when I talked about getting my wedding dress and taking my engagement photos, like milestone moments in your life.

priscilla: Right, right.

kat: Core memories in the making. I would literally be like, you're canceled . You're not mom anymore. , I'm gonna go find a new mom because, right. Yeah. What the heck? Like, I know I would want my mom to be even more excited. Like my mom is almost more excited than I am sometimes about the wedding. So that, yeah. That makes me hurt for her.

Yeah. Yeah. And like, What? I don't know, like what kind of a family is like, "hold off on the excitement . Yeah. You're getting too

excited." Like that's too much.

priscilla: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well I think it's [00:53:00] like, be excited, right? It's okay to be excited. It's okay to be looking forward to your, your big day. You know, even just to say like, oh, I'm so excited for 2024.

Like, yeah, you should be right. Like, it's, it's important. Yeah. Um, and I think it is a part of just, you know, how to stay present, um, as she is wedding planning, right. I think it is a part of checking in, like with her partner, like I'm curious like what she means by like being present. Cuz my, my mind immediately went to the relationship and versus it being like constantly in 2024 Headspace.

Um, so this part of like, what am I still doing like today? What am I still doing? Like this weekend? Yeah. Um, versus like, Only talking about 2024. Yeah. And, and I'm assuming that's what she meant by staying present.

Yeah. Excited but also grounded in reality. Yeah. Like, yeah, I'm not really sure. She doesn't really explain. What she, and she even says," [00:54:00] A bride once said, you can be excited and present while waiting for your wedding. And that really stuck with me." And I'm like, but what does that mean? I don't understand what that means necessarily. Yeah.

So I think that way like yeah, like being grounded, right? Like in today and in the moment, but still knowing that like this big thing is going to happen.

kat: Yeah. And like maybe it is like this is where your head is all the time, but it's not where everyone around you is at all the time. And to remember that other people still have real life happening. Yeah. Like maybe a child was born, maybe somebody graduated from high school. Maybe someone got a new job and there are other things to talk about besides... yeah, I think you're right. That's definitely what they're implying here. Yeah. But I do love the idea of, I think they just said wedding patients, but wedding planning patients. Like how to stay. consistent and not have like these super highs and lows in the wedding planning, I think.

priscilla: Mm-hmm. because yeah, I think that

can be like a big one of like, we had a really long engagement, um, and in the middle we're like, we also bought a house.

So I think it was like [00:55:00] our focus wasn't too big places .

kat: Yeah. I can relate.

priscilla: And, and it was like kind of a lot, but I think it was that part of like, let's think of our wedding in two years and then do all the big stuff and then, okay, well wait a second. We also need to be, think of all these forms, . Yeah. All this other stuff.

So like it was, um, so I think there was that part of like being excited for the future, but then still being present of like, okay, what real life stuff, we have to be getting done right now.

Mm-hmm. . Yeah.

kat: Mm-hmm. , we got bills to pay.

priscilla: Mm-hmm. .

kat: We got things to see. Yeah, things to do, do, do. . Okay.

Well that's all I have for you today, Priscilla. Um, is there anything else you wanna leave with bridal babes on this topic before we wrap it up?

priscilla: Yeah. I think a big one is just like knowing that this is normal. You're not alone. Yeah. Like, you're not, like, you know, we've heard a couple of stories from people online that this happens, right?

kat: Yeah.

priscilla: So like, being able to talk, to, talk to someone, um, [00:56:00] whether it's Reddit, whether it's, you know, with your friends or family or a mental health professional. Does someone do it? Yeah.

kat: Slide into my dms,

priscilla: like, yeah. Just talking about it because I think it can be even more hurtful if you're having to hold onto it.

Yeah.

Oh, and be alone in it. Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

Because there's a part that feeling like no one gets it, or this's guilt of, ugh, I should be happy. Right? . Yeah. But I'm not like, what's

wrong?

kat: I think there's this common idea of like the burden of being on the bride as well. Yeah. And you know, you can be anybody, you can be a man planning and, and in between planning a wedding, but I think there's this. Common misconception that everything is on that bride's shoulders. Yeah. And maybe the bride has that in the back of her head. Like, oh, I can't, I can't express this burden I'm feeling right now.

priscilla: Yeah.

kat: Because I'm supposed to be doing this. Like I shouldn't be feeling burnt out. Like, I should be Cinderella running around and having so much fun.

priscilla: Yeah.

kat: Planning my wedding and have no cares and woes in the world. . But that's just not life. [00:57:00] Right. You know? Um, and I think if you're out there thinking you can't feel this way because this is your job right now, you gotta remove that, you gotta burn that.

priscilla: Mm-hmm.

kat: throw it away, put it in the campfire and melt your, yeah. Melt it away because, you can feel this. And you're not alone. Like this is just a taste of the stories. Like I said, there are so many out there and we didn't even read the comments from people.

priscilla: Mm-hmm.

kat: And what they were saying. Yeah. So if you guys want to see more, go to wedding Reddit, literally type in burnout, fatigue, hate this . And you will find so many stories that remind you that you're not alone in this and everything's gonna be okay.

priscilla: Yeah.

kat: Because the most important part is marrying the person you love.

priscilla: Right. So right. Remembering kind of what that focus is.

kat: Thank you, Fritz. Now that we're finally wrapping up, you took your seat. Hi there. Do you have anything to add, Fritz?

priscilla: He's like, I love these cuddles.

kat: He's like, get as many cuddles [00:58:00] as you can while you're planning your wedding. Yeah, .

Okay, well I think that's it for today.

If Bridal Babes wanna find you online, where do they do that?

priscilla: Yeah, I'm at modernwellnesscounseling.com and my handle on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok is also Modern Wellness Counseling. Perfect.

kat: Thank you Priscilla and Bridal babes. Don't forget, the buzz does not stop here. We are releasing episodes every week.

So submit your stories, submit your questions, like, subscribe, turn on your notifications and we'll see you next time.

So bye.